life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
