I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
