3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
