last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
