i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Who died my cat blue again?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
