giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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