wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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