Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
