During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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