i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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