There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Watching her eat just hurts me
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
