"it" just moved
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
