ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
MIDGETS
????
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
