is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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