I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
