chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
