so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
