I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
