even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Less talking, more tequila
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
