When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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