Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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