Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
