I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
