Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
