First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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