I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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