No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
