did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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