ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I deserve this hangover.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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