This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
