I can text with my tongue
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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