She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
