listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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