I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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