I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
