I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
