She is in my trunk
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
