Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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