I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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