just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
