$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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