didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
