3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
