gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
