I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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