You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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