so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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