I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
