We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
