all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
