Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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