Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
