There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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