That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
