Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
